The idea for this post came to me one night as I laid in bed unable to sleep because I was in physical pain.

Looking out my window into the night sky I had to remind myself that I needed to be thankful for my pain.

What? Thankful for my pain? 

I have to admit that all I could think about was my pain. All of the energy that I had was used to complain and ruminate about how much I hurt. Would it surprise you to know that I didn’t sleep well that night? How do you think the next day went for me?

Not. Well. At. All.

How can I possibly find a reason to be thankful for pain? My back hurt, I couldn’t sit or stand too long, I had a headache and now I was exhausted!

Do you see what I did there?  I worked myself into a state of suffering. Every three to four thoughts were about pain.

How do we find gratefulness in pain?

The type of pain that I want to talk about is emotional pain. Though it was my physical pain that brought me to remember this simple truth. ” Gratitude is the answer”. This simple truth did not come easy for me to accept or understand.

I spent at least a year and a half of suffering. Almost every day, I reminded myself of the pain I was experiencing. January 2016 was without a doubt the hardest month in my life outside of January 2012 when my dad passed away.

I have gone through more than a few traumatic events in my life since then. Most people who aren’t in my “circle” wouldn’t even know. I had become a master at “Fake it until I make it”. I had to keep much of my pain a secret because I didn’t want everyone to know what I was going through. Does this sound familiar?

I remember when my friend Sarah asked me early on “What are you supposed to learn from this?”.
I believe my response was something like ” What am I supposed to learn? Maybe I am to learn that I am a pretty terrible person who has had even worse things happen to me. That my life is falling apart and I must deserve this”.

Again, I let guilt, shame and self loathing dictate who I was and how I felt each day.

Once I learned how to shift my thoughts to being in the moment and mindful, my pain becomes less and less. It is a very deliberate response each day. Sometimes, multiple times per day. The thoughts still creep in but they are less frequent.

What am I grateful for? What can you be grateful for?

I am grateful that during this time of trial that I have found pieces of myself that were lost on me.
I am grateful that I have a car to drive. I am grateful for coffee. I am grateful for home. These are just a small example that I am grateful for in this moment.

I choose every day to find something to be grateful for. When I make that choice, it means that I have one less thing to complain about. One less painful scenerio to re-create in my mind.

There really is always something to be grateful for. Even if it is for a simple thing like finding a pair of matching socks!

Be grateful. Choose joy.

-LM

Today, I wrote down two things: All in and On the Verge. I decided to go with On the Verge because I am on the verge of…. so many things!

I am a believer in energy, affirmations and mantras. I love to read blogs, books and signs that inspire me. I put signs of affirmation all around my house and in my office at work.

With all of these reminders of what I want to achieve, it makes me feel overwhelmed and at times, confused.

If you walked into my bedroom and my bathroom you might understand my ADHD (really, I have this, not self-diagnosed). Here is why:

In my bathroom, as part of my daily routine, I light a candle that goes along with my intention for the day. This helps create the energy that I want to give and receive.
Currently, I have my Brow (Third Eye) Chakra candle for wisdom, healing candle for when I am hurting and abundance candle for prosperity.

 A decent sized stack of books lay on my dresser. In no particular order they are: Love Warrior, You Are a BADASS, You Can Heal Your Life, The Power of Intention, Music and Mantra. Each of these books have either been completely read with copious amount of notes, and one or two that have been skimmed through.

When I look at the stack of books now, I can see why I am overwhelmed and confused. I want to be a Love Warrior Badass who can set intentions to heal my life with music and mantra. Sounds a little silly but really, those are a great list of adjectives that describe my journey.

So, what am I on the verge of? Am I on the verge of healing my pain? Of being a love warrior? Being a badass in my professional life?  Living a truly intentional life?

The truth is, I am on the verge of whatever I want to be. I have the tools and the mindset, now I just have to do it. Being on the verge isn’t enough. Wanting to be happy, to be successful, to be loved. whatever it is that I want, I have to do more than want it. I have to make it happen.

Let’s do this! How do we go from On the Verge to being where we want to be?

First things first. Be very intentional with your day. Even a small, baby step of focusing on one intention is a step. Realize that you will not solve all of your problems in one day.

Start with a quick five minute meditation (longer is great but for some, five minutes is all you have).

Find a quiet space where you can sit and relax.
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts.
Set your intention.
Picture what it looks like.
Be specific with your intention- see details, smells, textures.
Don’t forget to breathe.
Show gratitude.

I am ready to stop being on the verge! How about you?

Be the light.
-LM

In a world where you can be anything, be yourself. Etta Turner.

What does it do to your psyche when someone suggests you should “just be yourself”?
Does it make you anxious?
What if myself isn’t really all that interesting?
What if being myself is really a bad person?
What if being myself means they actually like me?
What if being myself requires me to be authentic?
What if being myself made me happy?
What if being myself gave me all of the things that I desire in my life?

What if? What if? What if?

Those are just some of the “what if” scenarios running through my mind each time someone simply suggests I “just be myself”.

I don’t know about you, but it is much easier to tell others to be themselves. Just as long as I don’t have to follow the same rules. Fair, right?

Now, let me take a step back. What conversation or situation have I found myself in that someone would simply suggest that I just be myself?

What am I doing or what is happening in my life that I have created self-doubt? Further, why do I believe things about myself that are not true? Except, for 40 years I had believed them to be true.

My story began in 2015. I was approaching 40 and felt a strong pull in my heart that things needed to change. But what? At the time, I had a small circle of friends, a husband and kids. I worked a job I wasn’t in love with and I was just existing. I thought everyone just existed.

I was so wrong.

I WOKE UP!

It is in my DNA to make a decision and follow through with it. It is also in my DNA to be very impulsive. So, take those two personality traits and you have a woman on a mission! For the first time my mission was to save myself from myself.
This shift in mindset began a new version of myself. In order to shift my life I knew that I needed to make some important life changes. Some were easy and some were very difficult.

Making changes was and is a process. When that shift happens it becomes unstoppable. It creates space and room for more opportunities and people to come into your life.

My friend and mentor, Patti Stark has taught me ways to create and achieve what I want in my life.
She told me that people walk around asleep. I was asleep and now I am awake. What happens when you wake up? She taught me fundamental lessons that I feel now are basic but I know are not for many. Read about Patti here: https://www.facebook.com/Patti-Stark-Visualize-U-803923806318800/

What did I learn?

Love is an inside job- starts from within yourself.
Meditate/Pray- give yourself a few minutes a day of quiet.
Set an intention
Visualize- Visualize what you want and do this in your meditation practice.
Believe- It is true, believe and you shall receive. 

Learning to do those five things every day helped me achieve more in the last two years than I would ever imagine. It’s true. There will be more on this in future posts.

I have the power and so do you.

What I have started to discover and as I am growing and I re-discover over and over again that being myself is all I can ever be.

Start with this..

Shift your thinking into “I am enough”.  The person I am supposed to be is who I am. The moment that you accept who you are and love yourself for who you are will be one of the greatest moments in your life. Creating the space for love and acceptance within yourself will allow you to freely love and accept others. It starts with you!

Be powerful. Make a small step every day to be yourself. Set your intention to make a better change in your world. Remember, it starts from within.

LM