The mask that fear creates
Some time ago I had a breakthrough conversation with a couple of dear friends. Our meeting was supposed to be about re-branding a business. Sometimes conversations go their own way and we just need to follow. My inspiration afterward is this…
Our many masks
Fear creates a mask that blocks who we really are. We wear masks for different people, different situations and different reasons. I think we unknowingly wear these masks because we’ve done it for as long as we can remember. But, why do we do this? How did we learn we have to change our voice, our opinion or our actions? Why change these things about ourselves to appease other people? Is it a big deal that subtle changes over the course your life got you where you are today? I bet you didn’t even know you were doing it.
It is a big deal
Wearing a mask or a facade is exhausting. For so long, I worried about every word that came out of my mouth to every action, job, my circle of friends or to my children and all of their choices. I thought all those things made my image to others better. Better to people who really didn’t know me? How could they if I didn’t really know myself? The mask I wore the most was that of self-doubt.
I thought so little of myself and my insecurities came out as rebellion. I portrayed myself as the tough girl with a big mouth and lots of sadness and anger.
I have worn that mask all my life. I learned as a little girl that I needed to be “good for show” but inside I was in pain. I wanted to be free but didn’t even know what that feeling meant.
Show up for yourself
After the realization of the many masks I wear, I figured out it was up to me to put them away. It is still a work in progress but I feel bits of freedom in this realization. Slowly and only when I really focus do I see who I was meant to be.
Every day I make an intentional effort to take away the facade. I have to strip away all the layers of masks until I expose real naked vulnerability. If I take away all my facades then all I have is myself and all that I am.
Baptized in my truth and the freedom it gives me. Wow. I can only imagine. I am going to show up for myself today. Won’t you show up for yourself? You deserve it, so go for it!
Peace and love
LM
As we enter 2018
“Bless the energy that you have left behind. Bless it, wish it well. Wish it its own freedom.” – Adyashanti
Why leaving behind the negative energy of the past will give you freedom to live your life
I am like many people when a new year is upon us. I think of the events of the previous year and how I can make things different and better the next. I write a list and have great intentions of checking off a couple of my resolutions. But like many of us who have good intentions, I lose interest and move on with making the same bad choices or whatever it is over again. But what if this year I did something different? What if I actually worked at changing things in my life that I am unhappy with?
Can change be as simple as changing our thoughts and behavior? I don’t believe so.
Change doesn’t magically happen because we wish it to be. It takes work and it takes commitment.
Here’s why:
I believe that all energy is a magnet for us. We all have baggage or negative energy that we wish to leave behind and never think about it again. But, in order to receive the positive energy that translates into positive change, we have to resolve the negative energy of the past. We can do this by blessing the energy, the experience and wish it well. Doing this, gives the resolution needed to move on.
Attracting the energy we want
We attract what we think, what we say to ourselves. If you say things to yourself like ” I am a hot mess” or “I am stressed out” or the like, what happens? You become and remain those things because that is what you keep telling yourself. It is the law of attraction. Use the law of attraction to your benefit and tell yourself how amazing you are. What a gift you are to the world!
2018 and beyond
As we enter into day three of this new year, forgive yourself, bless the baggage of the past and give yourself permission to live the awesome life you deserve.
Be open to and accept the new energy and new freedom to come. Remember that the keys to your happiness are no longer in somebody else’s pocket from the past. They’re in yours. What will you do with them?
I did not come up with this on my own but have found these words, these commandments to be profound enough to inspire real change. It is not an easy path to take. It is one I have been on and continue to practice every single day.
The past no longer serves me. I am worthy of all that I desire and I am resolving to continue to grow and change even when, especially when it is hard.
Breaking open is breaking through! 2018 is the year of breakthroughs for me, what will it be for you?
Om Shanti.
-LM
Power
As women, we hold a lot of power. Since the day we are born we are given power and over the course of our lives we slowly give our power away. For me, it started with not feeling worthy enough for my parents love. This turned into an overwhelming sense of not feeling worthy of love from anyone that I had relationships with. This applied to men, friends, and people that I held to a higher standard.
How could this have been different for me? How much of this comes from my DNA? How much of this is a learned behavior? I couldn’t help but wonder if my sense of self was really not true at all?
When we are born, we are all given the gift of breath. Instinctively our brain tells us to breathe and we continue to do this until we can no longer breathe on our own. It is everything in-between that shapes who we are, who we become and who we are not.
In raising two daughters of my own, with two very different personalities, I really start to wonder what can be different for them? How can I, as their mom encourage the notion that the world is really full of hope and opportunity? That what lies outside of their comfort zone is there to help them grow, not make them small? What can I teach my daughters by example and not just by my words?
The example that was shown to me as a child was not lost on me. I don’t think my parents intentionally made me feel ignored or not valued. I hope that if they knew that is how I felt growing up they would have done things differently. As a mother, I know that I feel that way about my children. I know now that I unintentionally break their spirit and teach them things that I wish that I hadn’t.
The difference is that I am aware of these things. I don’t think my parents were equipped to know much less understand what they were doing or not doing.
So, what do I do with this power of knowledge? How can I change the course for myself and my children, especially for my daughters?
How do we keep on keeping on when there are outside forces that tell us that we aren’t enough because of our gender? We aren’t enough for a job because we don’t have letters behind our name? That we aren’t enough because…..
What I have come to understand is that I have always had the power. I have chosen to give that power away because I didn’t know any other way. I gave the power away because I don’t know that I didn’t have to. I didn’t even realize that I was doing it.
Wow! Imagine a world full of women who use their power to BE? Be what? Whatever we want. Imagine a world where our daughters take it to the next level. Wow, just wow!
Be Powerful today. change the course of the rest of your life by using what was given to you!
-LM
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
The idea for this post came to me one night as I laid in bed unable to sleep because I was in physical pain.
Looking out my window into the night sky I had to remind myself that I needed to be thankful for my pain.
What? Thankful for my pain?
I have to admit that all I could think about was my pain. All of the energy that I had was used to complain and ruminate about how much I hurt. Would it surprise you to know that I didn’t sleep well that night? How do you think the next day went for me?
Not. Well. At. All.
How can I possibly find a reason to be thankful for pain? My back hurt, I couldn’t sit or stand too long, I had a headache and now I was exhausted!
Do you see what I did there? I worked myself into a state of suffering. Every three to four thoughts were about pain.
How do we find gratefulness in pain?
The type of pain that I want to talk about is emotional pain. Though it was my physical pain that brought me to remember this simple truth. ” Gratitude is the answer”. This simple truth did not come easy for me to accept or understand.
I spent at least a year and a half of suffering. Almost every day, I reminded myself of the pain I was experiencing. January 2016 was without a doubt the hardest month in my life outside of January 2012 when my dad passed away.
I have gone through more than a few traumatic events in my life since then. Most people who aren’t in my “circle” wouldn’t even know. I had become a master at “Fake it until I make it”. I had to keep much of my pain a secret because I didn’t want everyone to know what I was going through. Does this sound familiar?
I remember when my friend Sarah asked me early on “What are you supposed to learn from this?”.
I believe my response was something like ” What am I supposed to learn? Maybe I am to learn that I am a pretty terrible person who has had even worse things happen to me. That my life is falling apart and I must deserve this”.
Again, I let guilt, shame and self loathing dictate who I was and how I felt each day.
Once I learned how to shift my thoughts to being in the moment and mindful, my pain becomes less and less. It is a very deliberate response each day. Sometimes, multiple times per day. The thoughts still creep in but they are less frequent.
What am I grateful for? What can you be grateful for?
I am grateful that during this time of trial that I have found pieces of myself that were lost on me.
I am grateful that I have a car to drive. I am grateful for coffee. I am grateful for home. These are just a small example that I am grateful for in this moment.
I choose every day to find something to be grateful for. When I make that choice, it means that I have one less thing to complain about. One less painful scenerio to re-create in my mind.
There really is always something to be grateful for. Even if it is for a simple thing like finding a pair of matching socks!
Be grateful. Choose joy.
-LM
On the Verge
I have struggled all week with what to write about with all of the topics that are on my mind.
I carry a notebook in my bag for my all of my “ideas”. I also use the notes and my voice memo app on my iPhone. Often times, I forget about of the things that I have added there so that I wouldn’t forget.
Today, I wrote down two things: All in and On the Verge. I decided to go with On the Verge because I am on the verge of…. so many things!
I am a believer in energy, affirmations and mantras. I love to read blogs, books and signs that inspire me. I put signs of affirmation all around my house and in my office at work.
With all of these reminders of what I want to achieve, it makes me feel overwhelmed and at times, confused.
If you walked into my bedroom and my bathroom you might understand my ADHD (really, I have this, not self-diagnosed). Here is why:
In my bathroom, as part of my daily routine, I light a candle that goes along with my intention for the day. This helps create the energy that I want to give and receive.
Currently, I have my Brow (Third Eye) Chakra candle for wisdom, healing candle for when I am hurting and abundance candle for prosperity.
A decent sized stack of books lay on my dresser. In no particular order they are: Love Warrior, You Are a BADASS, You Can Heal Your Life, The Power of Intention, Music and Mantra. Each of these books have either been completely read with copious amount of notes, and one or two that have been skimmed through.
When I look at the stack of books now, I can see why I am overwhelmed and confused. I want to be a Love Warrior Badass who can set intentions to heal my life with music and mantra. Sounds a little silly but really, those are a great list of adjectives that describe my journey.
So, what am I on the verge of? Am I on the verge of healing my pain? Of being a love warrior? Being a badass in my professional life? Living a truly intentional life?
The truth is, I am on the verge of whatever I want to be. I have the tools and the mindset, now I just have to do it. Being on the verge isn’t enough. Wanting to be happy, to be successful, to be loved. whatever it is that I want, I have to do more than want it. I have to make it happen.
Let’s do this! How do we go from On the Verge to being where we want to be?
First things first. Be very intentional with your day. Even a small, baby step of focusing on one intention is a step. Realize that you will not solve all of your problems in one day.
Start with a quick five minute meditation (longer is great but for some, five minutes is all you have).
Find a quiet space where you can sit and relax.
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts.
Set your intention.
Picture what it looks like.
Be specific with your intention- see details, smells, textures.
Don’t forget to breathe.
Show gratitude.
I am ready to stop being on the verge! How about you?
Be the light.
-LM
The Power of Being Yourself
In a world where you can be anything, be yourself. Etta Turner.
What does it do to your psyche when someone suggests you should “just be yourself”?
Does it make you anxious?
What if myself isn’t really all that interesting?
What if being myself is really a bad person?
What if being myself means they actually like me?
What if being myself requires me to be authentic?
What if being myself made me happy?
What if being myself gave me all of the things that I desire in my life?
What if? What if? What if?
Those are just some of the “what if” scenarios running through my mind each time someone simply suggests I “just be myself”.
I don’t know about you, but it is much easier to tell others to be themselves. Just as long as I don’t have to follow the same rules. Fair, right?
Now, let me take a step back. What conversation or situation have I found myself in that someone would simply suggest that I just be myself?
What am I doing or what is happening in my life that I have created self-doubt? Further, why do I believe things about myself that are not true? Except, for 40 years I had believed them to be true.
My story began in 2015. I was approaching 40 and felt a strong pull in my heart that things needed to change. But what? At the time, I had a small circle of friends, a husband and kids. I worked a job I wasn’t in love with and I was just existing. I thought everyone just existed.
I was so wrong.
I WOKE UP!
It is in my DNA to make a decision and follow through with it. It is also in my DNA to be very impulsive. So, take those two personality traits and you have a woman on a mission! For the first time my mission was to save myself from myself.
This shift in mindset began a new version of myself. In order to shift my life I knew that I needed to make some important life changes. Some were easy and some were very difficult.
Making changes was and is a process. When that shift happens it becomes unstoppable. It creates space and room for more opportunities and people to come into your life.
My friend and mentor, Patti Stark has taught me ways to create and achieve what I want in my life.
She told me that people walk around asleep. I was asleep and now I am awake. What happens when you wake up? She taught me fundamental lessons that I feel now are basic but I know are not for many. Read about Patti here: https://www.facebook.com/Patti-Stark-Visualize-U-803923806318800/
What did I learn?
Love is an inside job- starts from within yourself.
Meditate/Pray- give yourself a few minutes a day of quiet.
Set an intention
Visualize- Visualize what you want and do this in your meditation practice.
Believe- It is true, believe and you shall receive.
Learning to do those five things every day helped me achieve more in the last two years than I would ever imagine. It’s true. There will be more on this in future posts.
I have the power and so do you.
What I have started to discover and as I am growing and I re-discover over and over again that being myself is all I can ever be.
Start with this..
Shift your thinking into “I am enough”. The person I am supposed to be is who I am. The moment that you accept who you are and love yourself for who you are will be one of the greatest moments in your life. Creating the space for love and acceptance within yourself will allow you to freely love and accept others. It starts with you!
Be powerful. Make a small step every day to be yourself. Set your intention to make a better change in your world. Remember, it starts from within.
LM